Wikiphilia

Scottish Gaelic? Hey I know an Ashley MacIsaac song that uses that. It's a great song. Sleepy Maggie. Makes me think of my story about a human black hole that doesn't have an article because it doesn't exist yet.

(And it all came from a click on Glasgow.)

Looks like a nice city. Is that a knockoff Sidney Opera House? I like the purple rainbow. Scotland's always been cool. The countryside is better than the city stuff though. More rustic.

(And it all came from a click on Pacifism.)

Not a bad idealogy. Who wants to fight, really? I mean, fighting for recreation is fun, but this isn't that. Like, anti-war and stuff. Fight the government man, get our troops out. Troops sound like boots. Go Mennonites.

(And it all came from a click on H.G. Wells.)

I've never read these books. I saw War of the Worlds, it wasn't very good. I guess Wells was a Zionist? Huh. I guess Wells was into eugenics? Huh.

(And it all came from a click on Raygun.)

RAYGUNS. Pew pew! Best weapon in every game they're in. Melting things, etc. Apparently science is working on making them real. Cool! Awesome. Great.

(And it all came from a click on Science fiction.)

Oh man, I love Sci-fi. Star Wars isn't really sci-fi. I mean it is, but it isn't. Ender's Game was all right, can't remember much about it. Started Hyperion, great setup, what with the several perspectives like Game of Thones. I should start reading Dune again.

(And it all came from a click on Sentience.)

"Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?" That like sentience, right? Ha ha just kidding, I know all about that sentience right up there. I can't think for shit though. I don't think I'm sentient.

(And it all came from a click on Animal Welfare.)

That is an adorable puppy. Not like the dogs at my place. Yapping it up every time I walk in the door. Only part of my place I hate, really. Okay those chickens down there are ugly. Fuck animals.

(And it all came from a click on Cockfight.)

I did not know cockfights involved naked men. I think I'm gonna learn some good stuff today.

(And it all, all of it, everything up to Scottish Gaelic, came from a click on Random Article, because I was just that bored.)

Isabela, Puerto Rico looks like a nasty little place. That picture could not be browner and drearier if it tried. It's almost fake. Flat, like in Microsoft Flight Simulator.

Source: Wikipedia, the Free Encycopedia. http://en.wikipedia.org/

As if you didn't know.

Who Wants Pizza (workshop essay)

pizza-goat.jpg, google.com

I spend most nights without good sleep. After I have gone to bed, it’ll be at least an hour before I actually fall asleep. Too many thoughts float through my head for me to get any rest. Occasionally, one of those thoughts will be of pizza. Pizza? Who wants pizza? This question has plagued me since the first of my sleepless nights. I decided to work through my sleep issues by doing research on the subject: who, truly, wants pizza?

Directly asking people, I decided, was the best way to get the results I wanted. My potential sample size was the entire Brockport campus, so I basically asked away at anyone I could get to stop for five seconds. (Which, as it turns out, is everyone, because it’d be rude not to stop and answer somebody’s questions.) I did the majority of my research on the main walk, with some in the library and Union. The question was the same every time: “Excuse me. Do you want pizza?” For each different group of people, I mostly stuck to only one rule of asking three girls and three guys, because then I could see how much more girls disfavored me, and my resulting depression would be good for the two tubs of ice cream I had that were starting to get freezer burn. No attention was paid to the races, heights, or prettiness of the questionees, although I must admit that most of the people I asked were pretty, probably because Brockport is known internationally as The Fabulous Campus. Between the neutral question and half-half sex rule, I got the stability I needed, because everything else, from my stance to the specific people I asked, would be variable.

First I asked people in my most neutral tone, with no attention paid to any other variables. These are the results by sex, quotes included.

	Yes	No
Male	1. Pizza? Sure.	1. Nah, not really, I just ate. 2. Oh no, I’m good thanks. You have pizza lying around?
Female		1. No thank you. 2. No… thanks. 3. No, but thanks for offering.*

*This one was REALLY SUPER CUTE. Real professional-like. Black dress shirt, black slacks, yellow tie, the whole shebang, and it went great with her redwood complexion, sculpted jaw, and spiked, jet-black hair. I couldn’t tell whether she was a man or a woman for a second, and that just made me giddier. She was the first one to smile, too! And what a laugh she had. If any Brockport readers notice someone who matches that description, report to me immediately so I can be stalk her and/or kidnap her.

After buying a third tub of ice cream to further drown my sorrows, I lamented more thoughtfully on the results. Why did nobody want pizza? Was it me? Was it the way I carried myself? The experiment had barely started and I was already doubting myself. But I carried on, determined to prove my worth of offering pizza.

I decided next to try a more confident approach. My brows furrowed slightly, my eyes peering into the depths of every soul, my mouth cocked up on one side, and my voice two tones deeper. It was the ultimate in attraction.

	Yes	No
Male	1. Sure. What’s up?	1. No. 2. Nah.
Female	1. Sure. I love pizza. You have a good night.	1. No. 2. No, thank you, sorry.

Still depressingly stacked on the “no” side, but getting better. I was starting to understand why people were rejecting my offer at first. All it took was a little confidence; it wasn’t me that put them off after all.

My approach thus far involved finding people on the main walk very late at night – past 10:00 – who were alone, and not in sight nor earshot of anyone else. I walked up to them directly, asking them if they wanted pizza, then walking away immediately afterwards. I decided to keep this approach for the time being, and change up my mannerisms once again. I hid my right arm under the left side of my jacked, as if concealing something, and grabbed onto that side of my jacked tightly with my left hand, as if ready to unveil it to the world at a moment’s notice. My voice changed to a lower, more snake-like texture, and my words sped up and stuck together, giving the impression of a desperate homeless man, while I, once again, approached lone strangers in the dead of night, offering pizza.

	Yes	No
Male		1. I’m good right now, thanks man. 2. What? Whatchu talkin’ ‘bout? You want pizza? 3. Oh no, thank you. That’s all right, I had a big dinner. Thanks for offering. Thank you. Thank you. That’s so sweet. That’s like… (etc.)
Female		1. No… 2. Uh, no. 3. No thank you.

Clearly the approach matters. I decided to stick with a neutral position, as it was between the two, and would protect the other variables from influence.

For the experiment’s sake, I decided to do a round of daylight offerings, with people around.

	Yes	No	Other
Male	1. What kind of question is that? Absolutely.	1. Nah. 2. No thank you.
Female		1. No. 2. No.	1. Shit.

Results were largely the same. I determined that time of day and amount of surrounding people was not a factor. With that out of the way, I moved on to other, more niche factors.

Glasses-wearers seemed like a nice bunch. Surely they would accept this kind offer.

	Yes	No
Male	1. Sure. Sure.	1. Right now? I’m all good for right now.
Female	1. Yes. 2. Yeahhh.	2. N-no.*

*She stuttered! A girl with glasses stuttering. Adorable.

Success! People with glasses truly must appreciate pizza more. (That said, this one was slightly more difficult than others, as it was halfway impossible to find men with glasses.) Even the girls, who had so adamantly refused in the past, were more receptive when they were of the glasses variety. I believe I will hit on girls with glasses exclusively from now on.

But wait! Could there be even more accepting demographics? I aimed to find out, and continued my experiment by asking this dude I held the door open for.

	Yes	No
Male		1. No thank you. I don’t like pizza that much.

Snippy. He didn’t have to lie to me.

After this failure, I went for a more traditional route: asking people in pairs. (I didn’t go any higher than that because my brain would malfunction from the amount of combinations I’d have to separate.)

	Yes	No
Male/Male	1. Yes. / I am pro-pizza. Do I have to pay for this pizza? 2. Of course. / Yes.
Female/Female	1. Yes. / Yeah. 2. Yes. / Sure.
Male/Female		1. No thanks. / I’m on a diet.

Very positive reception – mostly. Two guys together can’t resist pizza. Two girls together can’t resist pizza. But a guy and a girl together? No, of course not! Guy, you have to show off right? Gotta be the man? “No other guy is gonna offer my girl pizza.” HA. And girl, you’re on a diet? Don’t make me laugh. You just don’t want to look like the glutton you are in front of your tall, handsome, athletic, tall, well-spoken, tall, tall boyfriend. Couples, ha ha, so arrogant.*

*It has been scientifically proven that every time a guy and a girl walk together, they are a couple.*

*This does not apply to two men or two women walking together, as homosexuals, scientifically, do not exist.*

*I am so bitter and sad, please hold me.

Next I asked a guy in a bathroom stall.

	Yes	No
Male		1. I’m good thanks.

One more demographic down.

My next target was members of authority. Included in this are the names of these celebrities.

	Yes	No
Male	1. Sure. – Tyler Brown, BSG Treasurer. 2. Sure. – Lou Spiro, Vice President, the College at Brockport
Female	1. I’d eat it. – Andrea Vella, Assistant to the Vice President	1. Right now? No. – Holly Perry, Department of Recreation

As expected, most were receptive. You have to keep an open mind and be amicable to be an authority figure in this day and age. If it were fifty years ago, I would not get such a positive response, as they had to be cold to keep their reputations, and also it was 1961 and they probably did not have pizza back then.

So many variables, so little time! I was walking around the library basement in the afternoon and noticed people alone in whole computer labs. Hence, my next target was people alone in whole computer labs.

	Yes	No
Male	1. Yeah.
Female	1. Sure.	1. Um… not right now.

Unsurprising. People alone in computer labs tend to be desperate for pizza.

I happened to see an Asian girl in the library. After asking her, I decided to find two more Asian girls.

	Yes	No
Female	1. Sure. 2. Huh? Pizza? Sure. 3. I don’t think it’s Halloween… Yes, I want pizza.

Even higher success rate than girls with glasses. I shall go after Asian glasses girls.

I asked the cashier at Trax.

	Yes	No
Female		1. No thank you, I don’t want pizza.

This inspired me to seek out people who were eating or had already eaten. Included is what they ate.

	Yes	No
Male	1. Yeah, sure. – sandwich and chips	1. No. – tomato salad, wild caught salmon, banana 2. Nah, I actually clean the Union Grille. – UG shit probably
Female		1. No thank you. – vegetable sandwich 2. No. – chicken breast spinach wrap 3. I just ate. – potatoes, french fries, chicken

At one point I saw a guy holding a slice of pizza.

	Yes	No
Male		1. No I have pizza.

After so many variables, after so many offerings of pizza to strangers, I could come to no strong conclusions about who, truly, wants pizza, except maybe Asian girls because they seemed especially excited. But maybe my success rate would have been higher had I asked people I knew. Maybe it’s weird to ask a stranger if he or she wants pizza. Maybe this whole thing was really creepy.

The sacrifices we make in the name of science.

Dead-Apple Picking

I just ate the last third of an M&M cookie that was on a table at work today. Just a couple hours ago, it was a half a cookie. I'm sure at some point before that, it was a whole cookie, and that there were more before it. My shift started at 9:30, when I walked in and noticed the half-cookie. Everyone else started at 8:00. So that means that for an hour and a half, several cookies were eaten (I am told there were only three and a half more, but this could be deception), while between 9:30 and noon, less than a third of one cookie was eaten. This happens at my other job, too. Sometimes there will be a box full of donuts in the break room when we open at 9:00, and by 11:00 only one will remain, which, without my intervention, would stay there the rest of the day. I'm usually not in the mood for donuts, but I always end up scarfing that last one down hurriedly, to soonest clear the table of unnecessary clutter.

Why does this happen? Is it because nobody wants to clean up? Are they afraid just one more donut will make them gain 20 pounds? Is it astrology -- some cosmic coincidence that causes death eating donuts past a certain time and under a certain sign? Could my coworkers be playing at some cruel subterfuge, to make the last third of a cookie feel like it could die at any moment, torturing it with the menace of waiting for several hours? Truthfully, none of that matters, because the fact is, I just thought far too much about why there was only a third of a cookie left on a table.

It's not just cookies and donuts; it's data, and papers, and people. Even if I have 500 GB left on my hard drive, I will go delete 300 MB shows after I watch them, or go through and delete games I don't play, at maybe 8 GB large, if I determine that they're "taking up too much space." Music isn't safe either -- if I download or rip an album, I can't stand to have it on my HD for more than a week before deleting all the songs I don't like after only a couple listens. My kitty-covered school folder, too, is subject to The Purge. I regularly empty my folder of graded homework, days-old assignments, things I can find on Angel, and things I can't find on Angel or anywhere and might end up being necessary for class but hey maybe not, right? And friends, oh dear friends. Even though my Facebook friends list is small, and my cell phone contacts list smaller, I still feel the overwhelming urge to destroy destroy DESTROY when I see names that are not being utilized to their full potential. (Or just people I don't talk to or see much, only exceptions being my few super-hot acquaintances.) It's like picking the dead apples off a tree when you know they're going to fall off anyway.

I don't know if this is a problem or what, but the feeling of purging, of removing everything that is not absolutely necessary, is too cleansing and too relieving for me to stop. My room is neat, my PC organized, and my life in order. I feel like I am missing some chaos in my life because of this, but then again, some chaos has been added, too. After all, under what other conditions would I so obsess about a third of a cookie?

FALL 2011 ANIME GUIDE: TRY TO LOVE

I know what you're thinking. "Anime? Ha ha, oh man, is this guy serious? Loser!" "Nice one, Chett, let's go pick up chicks and be successful at life." "Rock on." And minus everything except "anime" and "loser," I am thinking the exact same thing. But we're supposed to write about things we care about, right? Nothing is exciting me so much right now as the new anime season -- potentially the best I've ever seen -- so damn am I going to write about it. I apologize if you chose this week to comment on my post, but I'll try to make it entertaining. And educational. But I don't want to torture you that much, so I'll keep things semi-brief. Without further ado, welcome to Patrick "Hulk Hogan II: The Sequel" Cassidy's Fall 2011 Anime Guide!

Shinryaku!? Ika Musume



This is the second season to a comedy about a squid girl who has come to invade humanity because of its polluting of the ocean, but ends up putting a hole in the wall of a beach shack and has to work there to pay it off. It's a goofy premise, and definitely a fun-for-all-ages show. The humor comes from mocking Squid Girl (that's all they call her) for her ineptitude at everything, not the least of which is invading. Characters are introduced who love her, fear her, and are fascinated by her, but no matter what, it keeps the same light tone at a followable pace. This season starts off with no recap, so we're dunked right into another sketch. It feels like we never left.

Rating: 8/10

Working'!!



This second season, on the other hand, has began with pretty much just recap, with little new to offer to veterans of the series. It still follows cuteness-obsessed Souta Takanashi and his unusual coworkers at the restaurant Wagnaria, including androphobe Inami, perpetually short Popura, and lazy manager Kyouko. In the series proper we get to see fun interactions and relationship developments (though Inami is still, as ever, punching the daylights out of Takanashi), but that wasn't present this episode. The episode 2 preview looks like it will be interesting, so I'll give it the benefit of the doubt.

Rating: 8/10

Special note: The opening, having to live up to the embarrassingly addicting "Someone Else" from season 1, did a reasonable job of catching the spirit of the original while not being completely derivative. I'll be mouthing "fun fun fun" while no one is looking for the next few months. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RKxaeSVj2IE

Hunter x Hunter



A remake of an adaptation of a somewhat generic teen boys' comic, HxH doesn't start off with the same excitement as the author's previous work, Yu Yu Hakusho. But an idealistic, naive young boy who wants to be a "hunter" in a world where such an occupation is lauded but dangerous is just the kind of protagonist that attracted many to Dragon Ball all those years ago. It's a fast-paced episode -- the hero Gon has already set out on his journey and befriended childish, money-hungry Leorio and sole survivor/cool kid Kurapika -- and though it's not all that special yet, for the comic to still be running for over 10 years it must get great at some point. I'll keep my eye on it.

Rating: 6/10

Phi-Brain



Sunrise's show this season that isn't Horizon (and thank god for that) is improbable, has terrible character designs, and everyday characters to go along with it, yet it still manages to be fun. In a world that is otherwise exactly like ours (this is key in its unbelievability), puzzle-solving is an invaluable skill, and teenager Kaito Daimon is one of the best. He gets an invitation from the mysterious "Minotaur" to solve a puzzle even Einstein couldn't. When Daimon finishes it with the help of plucky girl/accessory Nonoha, he gets the Phi-Brain, a bracelet that accelerates his puzzle-solving abilities tenfold. It's completely ridiculous, and despite some forced "make the main character look cool" moments (apparently the next best puzzle solver took a whole day to beat a sudoku puzzle), this works in its favor.

Rating: 7/10

Fate/Zero



If you aren't utterly familiar with the trappings of Fate/Stay Night, the visual novel of which this is a prequel, then you might not have as good a time as I did, but thanks to smart pacing you should still get a kick out of it. It does a pretty good job of explaining the universe: every 10 years, seven mages across the world are selected by the Holy Grail to vie for its contents, and they travel to Fuyuki City to summon heroic spirits of the past and of fiction (for example, King Arthur or Medusa) to fight each other in the Holy Grail War. Production values are startling, and there's a lot of dense dialogue peppered throughout with more actiony scenes in such a way that it's still easy to follow. If you take one thing away from this post, it's that you should at least give this show a try, especially if you are open to shows like Game of Thrones. Just try not to laugh at the scene where two characters pace around another for lack of things to do.

Rating: 9/10

Horizon in the Middle of Nowhere (aka amalgamation of every anime cliche ever)



That's all that needs to be said, really.

Rating: /10

Tamayura



Fu Sawatari's father recently passed away, and she's taken up his hobby of photography. After moving to a new town, she tries her best to make new friends and come to terms with her loss. If that sounds sparse to you, that's because almost nothing happens this episode. Slow to the point of boredom, the one thing that kept me watching the show was the captivating, somehow nostalgic scenery and background art. Even a good setting isn't enough to sustain a show, however, and while its theme of coping with loss give it a uniquely bitter taste, the pacing simply isn't up to snuff.

Rating: 6/10

Chihayafuru



A delicately paced drama/romance built around a Japanese card game that's obscure even in Japan -- what better way to spend a midweek afternoon? Chihaya is the gorgeous daughter of a gorgeous model, but her only interest is in karuta, a game that involves slapping cards with the second verses of poems on them when you hear the first verses on a tape recording. She's in high school now, but the bulk of the episode is about her in elementary school, where she met Arata, a quiet kid with no friends. Though Chihaya's blunt personality causes him some problems, it also brings the two closer, and he introduces her to karuta. She is amazed by his passion for something when no one else has any, and takes up an interest in the game herself. It may sound like a quaint premise, but it's wonderfully done, with a sweet atmosphere, revealing dialogue and likeable characters. The other show of the season so far.

Rating: 9/10




Still to come are the adaptation of the video game Persona 4, a Last Exile sequel years after the fact, a full Future Diary season from the same studio that brought us the awful straight-to-video oneshot, the Code Geass clone (and therefore exciting) Guilty Crown, hilariously named I Don't Have Many Friends, and detective show Un-Go. If I'm lucky, Lupin III Part 4 will show up too, but it seems MIA at the moment.

But I won't write about those. Can't be redundant with these blog posts, and I don't want to be that cruel to you guys. I've already written several times the limit. For those who made it through, ask me and I'll make you a medal.